do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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