I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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