I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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