this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
