she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
