you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
