shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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