I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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