I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
