Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
