I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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