cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
