Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
