my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
