he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My breasts were aching with rage.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
