I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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