I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
