It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
