i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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