chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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