that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
