Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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