Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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