Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
