Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
