he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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