he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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