I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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