So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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