I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
