As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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