Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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