idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
