I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
