the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
