Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
