you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm like, not good at living.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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