I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
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Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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