I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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