He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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