For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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