Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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