AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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