I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
