May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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