You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
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I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
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stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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