I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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