Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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