i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
