??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I smell stomach acid.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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