New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm always down for nudity.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
