I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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