Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
