when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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