god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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