maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
