census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I need to calm my uterus...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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