a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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