After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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