You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
how does that bad decision feel?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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