you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
