i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
