You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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