I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
