i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
home. puking in laundry basket.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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