Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
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Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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