good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
