I'm jealous of your bromance
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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