You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
