I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
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And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
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Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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