I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
